Chocolate Fudgy Brownies & Truth

“A lie doesn’t become truth, wrong doesn’t become right, and evil doesn’t become good, just because it’s accepted…”

― Booker T. Washington

I had to read this a couple times and give it a minute (or a day) to settle into my mind.

How often do we accept a lie because others around us are telling us it’s true? I have found myself recently stuck in a situation where people can be so convincing that you start to actually believe the lie. And not only believe it, but repeat it over and over in your head like a cursed mantra.

Your standards are too high

You’re too emotional

You’re too controlling

You’re an outsider

You’ll never fit in

You’re too fat

They’ll never accept you

It’s all in your head

We don’t need a lot of convincing. Sometimes it takes just once, one little word from someone’s mouth and you’re sold. The lies become entwined with your core until it’s hard to differentiate diseased tissue from healthy.

It’s not always what someone says to you (or about you), it can be what you say to yourself in the depths of your mind. I loved to write starting at a young age. I would write poetry and short stories, as well as keep journals. I think it was a way for me to deal with stress and compartmentalize my reality. Recently while going through my garage, I found an old journal from when I was 11 years old. My husband and I had a good laugh as we read through the inner workings of my pre-teen mind… But soon my laughing turned to something else… it turned into sadness for my 11-year-old self. “I seriously think I’m fat” “I feel like I am a total loser” “The only person that makes me feel special is my mom and grandma”. Those were just a few things I wrote. How sad to feel those things at such a young age. How many times have I repeated those same words to myself over the years? Probably so many times, it has become ingrained in my DNA.

It’s a frightening experience when you face those demons whispering in your ear. Frightening because what if it’s true? What if you’ll truly never be accepted? What if you expect too much from others and hold them to too high of standards. When I break my standards down, they resemble kindness, grace, respect, understanding and compassion. When looking at it like that, it doesn’t seem outlandish anymore… it seems like basic things that we as humans deserve and should receive. So then why do I question myself?

Today I stared my demons in the eye and I realized something. The whisperings were merely that, just whispers and not truth. In the depths I found the truth, which is I am me and I am wonderfully made. I may be an outsider, but who wants to live inside the lines? And if they never accept me or care for me, well then that’s just ok because I don’t need a single person in my life that doesn’t value the real me. I often want to fight back when I’m faced with hate. But today I closed my eyes and let it wash over me until I thought I would drown and in the darkness of the wave, I found a strength that I forgot I possessed; a strength that comes from years and years of injustice. A voice from within that says “enough”.  It’s time to stop making excuses for bad behavior and stop accepting the injustice just because others say it’s right (or that’s how its always been). It’s time to stop listening to the lies and profess the truths that I know to be genuine. It has to be a mental choice to turn away from the familiar patterns we trace and follow a new path. A path where we believe in ourselves and chase after what we deserve.

This is not a new notion; this idea that evil is still evil despite if everyone in the crowd thinks it’s good. A wolf is still a wolf, no matter how many times it says it’s a sheep.  Nor is it a new notion to bake a cake just to make you feel better, to preoccupy your mind and idle hands. I think baking therapy is something that probably has been practiced for centuries (although I have absolutely no proof to back up this claim). But can you just envision a woman hundreds of years ago, kneading a ball of dough as hard as she can, taking her anger out on that gluten because (as a woman) she could not do otherwise? Hence we have baking therapy.

I must say that there is not enough chocolate in the world to quiet my mind lately but biting into one of these Chocolate Fudgy Brownies does hone in my attention, if only for a few minutes.

There is something so comforting about a brownie. Maybe it’s the chocolate that sings to my soul. Maybe it’s the all the sensations and textures that I experience when taking a bite, leaving me feeling satisfied. Either way, I’m drawn to these brownies like a moth to a flame.

Crunchy crinkly top, fudgy gooey center, pecans in every bite, and a deep chocolaty taste all wrapped up in a tiny square.

These brownies are made in an 8×8 non-stick pan that is lined with parchment paper. Feel free to line the pan with foil or just butter the sides and bottom if you prefer.  I use semi-sweet chocolate in this recipe, allowing just the right amount of sweetness and bitterness. Pecans are added for texture and to give a nice crunch but can be left out if desired.

Start by melting the chocolate and butter. In a medium microwave safe bowl, add the chocolate and butter and microwave for 30 seconds. Stir and continue to microwave in 30-second increments until melted and smooth. Set aside.

Whisk eggs, sugar, vanilla and salt together until combined. Slowly drizzle in the chocolate/butter mixture while continuously whisking. It’s important not to add the chocolate too quickly. Add a little at a time while continuously whisking to avoid cooking the egg in the mixture (since the chocolate & butter are warm from the microwave). If added too fast, it could cause small lumps of cooked egg. Once fully incorporated, fold in the flour with a rubber spatula. Add nuts and mix just until combined. Over mixing can lead to a tough rubbery texture.

Pour batter into prepared pan and smooth it out using a spatula until it reaches all the edges of the pan. Bake for 35-40 minutes until top is crinkly and a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out with a few moist crumbs. I took mine out of the oven at 39 minutes and could probably have done with 1 minute less. Don’t over bake in order to get the gooey, fudgy center.

Set the pan on a wire rack and allow to cool completely. Remove brownies from pan using the overhanging edges of the parchment paper to lift it. Cut into 16 bars and serve!

Now that the chocolate has cleared our minds… no matter what, we must look for the truth in all things, whether that be in the depths of our minds, on the screens of our phones or the voices of those around us. The truth is there if only we look past the lies and deception, and focus on what is real. Strength is waiting for us, if only we reach out and embrace it. As always, I see you, I feel you and I am with you. Happy baking friends.

XO- K